Why Setting Love Free Matters More Than Holding On To It

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It is better to have loved and lost rather than not having loved at all. While this is true, the path is tough and strewn with thorns and bends. But is that all that one must see? Surely there might have been something good as well? How clever is the mind, that it fools the heart by hiding the good times and highlighting the trying ones.

Why does love have to hurt? Why are all query rooms flooded with questions on love? Will he come back to me? Does she still love me? Twin flames , soulmates and Karmic mates!! Well, whatever is your situation right now, you have brought it to that.

I am sure you’ll agree with me when I say that we co-create our lives, our truths and lies.

The other person has little to do with what we have to feel about the relationship, as each one enters it with something in mind. As a counseling psychologist, I get a lot of cases on relationships. I am asked whether the person would return? What should be done for them to return? How can they go on without the ones that complete their lives?

The first thing I tell them is never to enter a relationship with the thought that a soulmate would complete them. No,that is not true. The reason why one feels incomplete is not because romantic love is absent in their lives or is not enough. There can be only one reason to feel this way. When a person has not taken care to develop his/her interests, set a goal, has some purpose in life, the void would always remain. When a person has a full life and is content, only then should he/she enter into a romantic relationship. While another person can increase your happiness, they cannot gift it to you or be the reason for it. Happiness is an inside job and only you can create it. It is not dependent on an object or a person. It simply is a state of mind.

The second thing is, when you enter into a romantic relationship, you are bound to go through the various stages. The initial frenzy, the comfort level period and then the sudden pulling away towards oneself. The third stage is a normal one and most people take it otherwise. After the comfort level is reached, people go back to their primary lives of a career, goals, dreams etc. But that going back is not always about the relationship cooling off to the point of breaking up. When the third stage arrives, both partners must allow each other the space to do well in their chosen fields which would have been put behind all this time due to the initial romantic frenzy. When the space is given, it also denotes that you are secure and have faith in each other.

The third and the most important thing is to learn to set your love free. This means one must let go of all fear and set the person free. If you find that he/she has not been in touch for some time, you can drop a line to them or call to check how they are doing. But, remember not to coerce them into doing something they might not be ready to do at that point of time. Everyone has the right to think about their future. Life is in transition and so are people.

If your love has been away for quite some time and is not responding to you, have patience and get busy with your life. This is easier said then done but is not impossible either. When the intensity becomes too much to handle, it tends to fall flat suddenly, only to rise again someday, some other time. You have to wait for that time when things would get better for both. But do not expect it to be the same. It could be many times better than what it was, as you would now be better equipped to handle the emotions.

And if they never return, feel their loss, do all it takes to get out of the gloom and make room for the right one. I won’t say better one, as maybe the equation can never be the same as it was with the one that left. But, you have the memories that are solely yours. No one can say when your true love would arrive or would they stay forever.

True love does not end. If it does not work out for some reason, it lives on, suppressed in some corner of your heart. Maybe, it would come back one fine day, maybe not. Whatever the case, having known true love is a bliss in itself.

Fear not and set your love free
Worry not for if it would flee
Feel it in your heart
That true love can never part

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Kavita Panyam is a Counseling Psychologist by profession and a Freelance Writer by passion. She has won competitions in various magazines for slogan writing, reviews, Quotes, poetry, captions, Ads as well as many reputed blogger contests. Her work has been published in reputed magazines across India and abroad. She writes soulful poetry, inspirational articles and more on her personal blog https://kavitapanyam.com. She is an author at several well known E-zines, print magazines and is also a guest contributor to various websites.